Malaysian Milestones Options

[Mr Bolshevik]

When I think of Sepang, I think of weather. Cruel, unpredictable weather. And when I think of cruel, unpredictable weather, I think of fate. And there was definitely a touch of fate about the 2004 Malaysian Grand Prix: Mark Webber sold his soul to Satan in exchange for a front-row slot for his Jag. (Although this is fiercely denied by Ron Dennis, who insists that he has never owned any sort of soul whatsover.)

But sometimes fate doesn't work out the way it should - Mark had a terrible weekend. He had problems at the start, followed by a puncture, followed by a drive-through penalty, followed by a race-ending spin. On the way back to the pits, he didn't even get the chance to bitch-slap a marshall. It was just one of those days.

It was, of course, entirely his fault. The proof of which lies within a short section of the radio conversation between Mark and the Jaguar garage just as the race was starting:

Pit Radio: "Ok Mark, parade lap is over, time to focus. One last time - run us through your start procedure"

Mark Webber: "No worries! I wait for the lights to go out, floor the pedal in this big green bastard, get through turn 1 first, and then block like I've never blocked before. I'm talkin' backmarker-pissed-off-with-Juan blocking. Blocking that'd make Enrique Bernoldi at Monaco look like a Sauber in front of a Ferrari."

Pit Radio: "Mark, no-"

Mark Webber: "Yeah biatches, it's time to kick ass Bernoldi-style!"



Pit Radio: "You fool, everyone knows that to mention anything even remotely connected with Arrows during a race is to invoke the Walkinshaw Curse! Whatever you do, don't make things any worse!!"

Mark Webber: "Don't worry mate, I've only dropped to 15th... I'll be back up the front of the grid faster that you can say Prost AP05!"

Pit Radio: "That's it, I'm taking the job at Toyota."



But enough of Mark. What of the important results? Who were the winners? Who were the losers? Who did weird stuff?

Well, Michael won. Juan Pablo Montoya came in next, seemingly let down by his tyres. They started out averagely, then began to work for a while, but as soon as it looked like they might be able to challenge the German, they seemingly lost interest and refused to let Juan do anything useful until after the next pit-stop. Michelin is a French company, isn't it?

Taking the last podium position was Jenson Button, much to the delight of the English tabloids - at least until they realised just how difficult it was to make puns out of "Jenson Button" and "first podium". Consequentially, 'The Sun' will shortly publish a petition to get Jenson to change his name to "Dick Stamina" - that way the next time he comes third, the headlines will write themselves.

Another item of interest from the race was Kimi's McLaren breaking for the second grand prix in a row, and the incident with the marshall shortly afterwards. In Kimi's defense, he acted understandably - try for a moment to put yourself in his position. Your car has just broken, you're angry, confused, and emotional. Suddenly in your peripheral vision you see the arm of a short guy in orange overalls flashing towards you. Your first thought is "Oh shit, it's Jos!" Your second thought is "the predators always go for the wounded animals first" and your final thought before lashing out in self-defence is "holy crap, Jos is going to kill me and take my drive!"

Totally, utterly understandable. Kimi, all is forgiven - Jos scares me too.

At the end of the day, the race was pretty interesting and the weekend overall dished up a few suprises for us. However, sometimes we get lucky - sometimes on a grand prix weekend we're treated to a moment of racing that is so perfect, a moment that so embodies the spirit of everything that is Formula 1, that we truly feel personally blessed to have witnessed it. One such moment occurred on Sunday. A brief, shining moment that will remain with me long after I've forgotten in which race Jenson Button scored his first podium.

I will never forget where I was the day I sat spellbound in front of the TV watching Olivier Panis driving through the pits apparently for no reason other than to give his Toyota mechanics the finger.

And for that, I am sincerely grateful.

.

[slick1jayj]

Originally posted by Mr Bolshevik
(Although this is fiercely denied by Ron Dennis, who insists that he has never owned any sort of soul whatsover.)

Mark Webber: "No worries! I wait for the lights to go out, floor the pedal in this big green bastard, get through turn 1 first, and then block like I've never blocked before. I'm talkin' backmarker-pissed-off-with-Juan blocking. Blocking that'd make Enrique Bernoldi at Monaco look like a Sauber in front of a Ferrari."

Pit Radio: "Mark, no-"

Mark Webber: "Yeah biatches, it's time to kick ass Bernoldi-style!"

Taking the last podium position was Jenson Button, much to the delight of the English tabloids - at least until they realised just how difficult it was to make puns out of "Jenson Button" and "first podium". Consequentially, 'The Sun' will shortly publish a petition to get Jenson to change his name to "Dick Stamina" - that way the next time he comes third, the headlines will write themselves.

Another item of interest from the race was Kimi's McLaren breaking for the second grand prix in a row, and the incident with the marshall shortly afterwards. In Kimi's defense, he acted understandably - try for a moment to put yourself in his position. Your car has just broken, you're angry, confused, and emotional. Suddenly in your peripheral vision you see the arm of a short guy in orange overalls flashing towards you. Your first thought is "Oh shit, it's Jos!" Your second thought is "the predators always go for the wounded animals first" and your final thought before lashing out in self-defence is "holy crap, Jos is going to kill me and take my drive!"

Totally, utterly understandable. Kimi, all is forgiven - Jos scares me too.

I will never forget where I was the day I sat spellbound in front of the TV watching Olivier Panis driving through the pits apparently for no reason other than to give his Toyota mechanics the finger.

And for that, I am sincerely grateful.

.

This has to one of my fav Mr Bolshevik posts. Thank you kind sir for your take on the GP weekend.

[SeanValen]

Mr Bolshevik, your back, good to see you back man, great post.

[Amrl]

Excelent post!

[Timstr11]

Funny stuff!

[HBoss]

Originally posted by Mr Bolshevik
I will never forget where I was the day I sat spellbound in front of the TV watching Olivier Panis driving through the pits apparently for no reason other than to give his Toyota mechanics the finger.

And for that, I am sincerely grateful.

Simply perfect!

[Scudetto]

This was truly inspired. Awesome stuff!

[Rene]

Originally posted by Mr Bolshevik
I will never forget where I was the day I sat spellbound in front of the TV watching Olivier Panis driving through the pits apparently for no reason other than to give his Toyota mechanics the finger.

And for that, I am sincerely grateful.

.

Awesome!! I just found my new sig!

[ren]

Pure gold from start to finish.

[mclarensmps]

In Kimi's defense, he acted understandably - try for a moment to put yourself in his position. Your car has just broken, you're angry, confused, and emotional. Suddenly in your peripheral vision you see the arm of a short guy in orange overalls flashing towards you. Your first thought is "Oh shit, it's Jos!"

Hilarious stuff!!

[IMHO]

I laughed! Great stuff especially the Panis bit. Thanks.

[Aren]

Absolutely brilliant!!!

[Costaz]

Thanks, great post, you made my day (although the rest of the people in the office were not very understanding with me laughing)...

[The Kanisteri]

In Kimi's defense, he acted understandably - try for a moment to put yourself in his position. Your car has just broken, you're angry, confused, and emotional. Suddenly in your peripheral vision you see the arm of a short guy in orange overalls flashing towards you. Your first thought is "Oh shit, it's Jos!"

[Kub]

I hope you will spread your wings and write a book, man!

No GP weekend is complete without Mr Bolshevik's post.

[Estwald]

This one was good

[Garagiste]

Short guy in Orange overalls flashing towards you through the gravel no less!
And the Panis bit -

[Alapan]

Yet another brilliant review

[miniman]

Mr B! great stuff

The digs at RD, Jos and the poor Toyota mechanics were absolutely hilarious although i'm afraid i'm too dense to make sense out of the "Dick Stamina" joke; i'm sure it is riotous as well!

Keep them coming

[ferrari_forever]

Brilliant

[gerry nassar]

Fantastic - as usual!!

[Deeq]

MW and TW
Fantastic as always

[Jhope]

Originally posted by gerry nassar
Fantastic - as usual!!

Brilliant stuff Mr.B!

[HP]

Awesome, that was one I liked most so far

[kouks]

Brilliant!

[wawawa]

Originally posted by Mr Bolshevik
Juan Pablo Montoya came in next, seemingly let down by his tyres. They started out averagely, then began to work for a while, but as soon as it looked like they might be able to challenge the German, they seemingly lost interest and refused to let Juan do anything useful until after the next pit-stop. Michelin is a French company, isn't it?

[LB]

Back on form and In style!!

[Beamer]

as usual!!!

[berlinetta]

This guy is crazy

[umapathypon]

Simply brilliant.Every bit of it.

[Fortymark]

Ferrari domination makes you want to quit watching F1 but Mr Bolsheviks post race summary makes it all worth it.
Thank you for the laugh

[JimGaidin]

yo boslhy goods to see u man where u been at fool? looks like u got no writing practiseing hehehehehe . hey u know theres some spanish dudez postin your stuff on their forum in spansish, u gotta check it man, u owe those dudez some thankz, its actually funny the way they translate it. yeah fool u know what im talking about stop bashing kimi cos he RULESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! or maybe kimi will bash u hehehheheheh

yeah chilll my homiezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Pine]

Brilliant, as always!

[philhitchings]

Mmmmm..................... nice

[SlateGray]

Fantastic. Thanks Mr B!

[brett_sequeira]

hehehehe

[indian]

Originally posted by Mr Bolshevik
I will never forget where I was the day I sat spellbound in front of the TV watching Olivier Panis driving through the pits apparently for no reason other than to give his Toyota mechanics the finger.

[The Soul Stealer]

Originally posted by Mr Bolshevik